Change

I have just returned from Davidson College. Now both sons have left our home, and my heart aches a little.

I think about change daily. One of the most inspiring tenets of Buddhist thought is that no matter how great your suffering, anyone can transform their suffering to peace. As a scientist this idea makes so much sense. After all, in the physical world nothing is constant. Galaxies and planets spin, suns burn, lands and seas are born and recede, and most remarkably, given enough time, a simple unicellular organism can have offspring that cover the earth in more forms imaginable.

So given the great flux in the universe, am I to believe that my sadness is the only thing that is constant? Of course not. I am sure my sadness will change to pride and happiness for their success. Indeed the process has already started.

However, while on the topic of change, I thought I would include a letter I wrote to a man who only had a few weeks to live. He was dying of brain cancer. I had only met him once, but his daughter was a friend. She had asked all his friends and hers to write him a letter, or to share something with him in the final weeks of his life. I wrote a letter that gave great comfort to many of his family and friends. Indeed it was recited by his best friend at the funeral, and was part of many family discussions. So many people at the funeral thought I should share it with the world. So here you are world.

Dear Daniel,

I write to you as a father to a father.

Today you linger here in the world of sunrises and sunsets, of full moons and new moons-a place where the salt air from a breeze off the water smells eternal and raises the spirit. Here we share our lives with family, friends and strangers, people we know intimately, and people we know not. We laugh and cry with all of them as the good times and troubled times ebb and flow like the tides in the Puget Sound. Life is full of sights and sounds, of tastes and fragrances, of simple touches that last but for a glorious moment, then part. Change is constant.

Where you are headed now, I do not know. But you have the greatest blessing of family life. You have wonderful children to carry your spirit forward through time. What messengers you have! They live full of enthusiasm, of grace, of energy and joy. They seem to carry within them their own sunshine and with their light they are able to warm the people lucky enough to know them.

As you lie there, holding their hands, I suspect you might worry about them. I know as a father I always worry a bit about my children. And your passing will be hard on them, very hard. Darkness will fall into their lives. But take heart, their internal sun will surely rise again within them. And they will share, with all who will listen, the stories of your life, the things you did that made them laugh, the memories they hold most dear. For me, when my time comes, the thought of my children moving forward through life spreading some of my joy will give me peace. I hope it gives you peace.

So in the final days of this part of your journey, be comforted. Your spirit is held in loving hands.


It was a wonderful feeling knowing that I helped him and his family, in some little way.

So I will end with a metta meditation I learned while on retreat with Sharon Salzberg. In the meditation I start by reciting it in the first person and then open the circle to include, well, you.

May you live in safety.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you live with ease.